When we arrived, we were asked to come up and bring it to the Ramos family ourselves and I was so thrilled! I've never seen a more beautiful birth than theirs. I was just amazed at the joy and family unity and fellowship that was a part of this special moment! I marveled at their careful planning to make every little moment count. I felt I had never understood before what it really means to be a family until I saw how the Ramos family 'spelled' family. It was humbling. The sweetest thing for me as a quilter, though, was when they got the idea to put Darcy Anne's footprints in paint on her 'special block'. I just wanted to cry...how precious! We left home in awe that night...and it was enough for me to have felt that I was very close to heaven when I was up in that hospital room. There were very many special moments that I know they planned..but we were not involved until a call went out for meals. Of course, I volunteered and made a meal, but Tim took it to Jason while I stayed home with the kids. When he got home, he told me that Jason looked really tired and that neither he nor Tracy had slept much at all in the last few days. I think this was about Day 11. Tim told me that he had offered to stay up all night with the baby so that they could sleep and that we could all come help if we wanted to. If we wanted too?! I was thrilled and so were the kids. We all packed up that night and headed to the Ramos's to camp. The kids all went to sleep, but Tim and I settled down with Darcy Anne. I have to say that I was overwhelmed at all the medical equipment and thanked the Lord that my pre-med husband was there. He was so comfortable with all the medical duties that Jason so carefully explained to us. Between the tube feedings, and her little breathing struggles, she slept pretty peacefully. But she did give us a scare several times. I didn't know she was so close to going home, but I was amazed at her determination to live. She once opened her eyes and just stared at me. There are no words to describe my feelings at that moment. Tim fed her meticulously and worked with her tubes like a very calm and confident nurse which gave me the freedom to just cuddle Darcy Anne through the night hours. Several times though, he took a turn, just walking around with her and talking in his quiet comforting voice. Jason said she liked singing and that it calmed her. So I sang her every song I've ever written, very quietly, just like I did to all my babies when they were little. We prayed for her and Tim read scripture to her. We spent the next night with her too, minus our kids, doing the same routine, but I could tell she was having a harder time. Several times she stopped breathing, and we would go get Jason or Tracy. My heart broke for them and their suffering. I wished I could have taken it all away for them, but I couldn't. They amazed me though with their trust in the Lord's sovereignty...it was unshakeable. We went home not knowing that that day would be Darcy Anne's last. We slept and slept and I could only imagine how tired they must have been. We were so sad when we heard the news that she was gone. But we were so glad that the Ramos family had had such a special time with their little girl. We can never say enough for what our nights with Darcy Anne meant to us. For me, I felt I was getting to hold the little boy, Samuel, that I lost at 21 weeks..perfect in form and body, but long passed away when he was born. Sadly, Darcy Anne looked similar though larger (and beautifully alive) probably because of lack of oxygen. It was as if the Lord said, I know you didn't get to hold Baby Samuel, but here...you can hold Darcy Anne...for a little while... I like to think that they are playing together up in heaven where all our little flowers bloom that didn't get to bloom for very long here on earth. Thanks Tracy and Jason, for letting us be a part of your lives for that special season and share your burdens. We will never ever be the same...because of her little life. We would be glad to answer any questions or talk to any one who might like to. Love, Tim and Donna Rodgers
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